Tonight, in my dreams, I murdered someone. Or, to be more precise, I watched my best friend do it and then ran with her for the hills. Not the most pleasant experience, as you can imagine. And as I am writing this, I still feel shaken by this dream.
If I go through shattering experiences, first thing I do is look at the astrology. And what was I staring at? A Full Moon in Virgo, exactly squared by Lilith.
Aha, I thought. No more questions asked.
But what does that mean?
Well, a Full Moon is already considered an intense affair; that is common knowledge. But why is that?
Full Moon – An Opposition of Sun and Moon
Astrologically, a Full Moon is an opposition of Sun and Moon. Sun being our conscious will and Moon being our shadow side, our unconscious.
In an opposition, two archetypes or energies are like in a duel. They face each other directly (so look into completely different directions) and don’t quite agree.
An opposition is an obvious disagreement you can’t ignore (while squares can be more hidden and subtle). It’s right in your face.
So far, so good.
So with every Full Moon, we experience this battle (or, to put it friendlier, critical check) between our male side (Sun) and our female side (Moon). Does it come as a surprise that on Full Moons many women start their menses? And that people start to be a bit lunatic around that date?
When Lilith Comes Into The Mix
If you have been following my work, you’ll know by now that Lilith is my “special friend”. She can be read as female trauma and e.g. show up as complications in the womb, abuse, estrangement, ridicule and/or exile. It often refers to a generational trauma.
So why did Lilith give a taste of murder to my dream?
Lilith is so deeply wounded that she can become enraged. She can manipulate, be jealous or really mean. And these behaviours are an expression of her unbelievable pain and anger.
If an energy squares another energy in a chart, it creates tension. If it squares an opposition (like the Full Moon), it is called a T-square and has a rather important position. You can imagine a T-Square like the shape of a pyramid, and the squaring energy is the one on top.
You can think of this “on top” energy as the “referee”. It can look and go both ways, and its behaviour is crucial when it comes to solving and moving on from the opposition. The way it turns, this way it goes.
And indeed I was able to spot a Lilith trigger in my current life (in fact, many! But that’s a different story). In my case, Lilith only came through with her anger fully in my dream.
But Lilith is not only angry. She’s only scared to death. She’s been punished, sent away, made an outcast, ridicule and abused. Her archetypical experience is not being wanted nor understood. And with that experience comes a deep feeling of overwhelm and complete helplessness.
I do feel these feelings, now more than ever, if I look at our masculine world. I am sick of being ruled by people who don’t understand me, judge me and claim to know better what I need.
And what’s interesting about my dream is that it wove different Lilith-anger themes into one story. And by doing so, it shone light on my repressed anger. How deep it went shocked me. But that’s my shadow wanting to be recognised.
Oh yes, my anger as a woman runs deep. And Lilith, to me, is also an amazone. Originally, she is proud and strong, and above all, she has her own will. Break that will and you will reap her fury.
But my insights didn’t stop there. The dream revealed even deeper layers of meaning. And this is where my personal chart kicks in.
I’ve got my south node in Leo, and in my progressed chart Mercury has joined that south node.
With a south node in Leo, we come from a place of pride and entitlement. We might have been royal or at least well priviledged in a former life and are used to being at the centre of attention.
However, while our south node also holds all our achievements, experience and knowledge, it is such a comfortable space that sometimes we don’t want to leave. Meanwhile, our north node (for me in Aquarius) is asking to move forward.
Now, my best friend in the dream is a Leo. I found it interesting that she commited the murder, not myself. But I watched her and did nothing to stop her. That means that her Leo pride is actually my own, projected shadow part.
And this anger was so deeply repressed that even in my dream I needed her to act on it instead of owning it and doing it myself.
If you find that morbid and scary, I totally get you. And yet, there is another element of my chart that comes into play.
My natal Lilith is conjunct Pluto. And Pluto is the Lord of the underworld. It rules death and rebirth, power and all that is hidden (money, sex etc.) Which means that my own Lilith wounds are tinted by Pluto themes, and it makes me inclined to deep trauma work.
Evidently transiting Lilith has triggered my natal Lilith so strongly that it came up with outright murderous impulses (and that’s one shadow side of Lilith-Pluto).
Oh! Another fascinating realisation. Guess where the current Full Moon happens.
Yep. Right on my Lilith-Pluto conjunction.
To sum it up: How could I NOT have had this dream tonight?!
Astrology can be scary in its accuracy.
Why am I writing this?
The answer is simple. To shine light on it.
By expressing it, it loses its grip on me. I can acknowledge it and let it go. And find better ways to deal with my anger.
Oh, and you want the best goodie last? Guess where the current Full Moon happens.
If I haven’t scared you away and you are interested to explore your depths further, drop me a line. I’ll be happy to help.